The Eighth Day of Midwinter

Mei stood waiting at the top of Moonrise Hill. He’d thought about keeping the snow, but decided he liked the grass better. It was a clear sky, and countless stars were visible overhead. The moon was full, even though it wasn’t in real life.

There was a tiny shift in the air behind him, almost imperceptible.

“I was starting to think you weren’t coming,” Mei said without looking around.

The goat stepped forward to stand beside him, smiling sadly at nothing in particular. It was a peculiar expression, evoking a sense of bittersweetness. It was a smile that said, Things are bad, but we can still have hope.

“You were expecting me?” they said.

“You’ve shown up in all of my other dreams since the snow started.”

They looked around at the calm nighttime scenery. “But this isn’t a nightmare.”

Mei looked up at the full moon, shining brightly in the sky, with no Gabu here to see it with him. “It depends on how you look at it. Do you have a name?”

They shook their head. “I’m not sure I’m ready for a name just yet. That would make me too real.”

“Are you real?” Mei asked.

“I think that’s up to you to decide.”

“I don’t understand.”

They smiled sadly again, but this time it had a little more warmth to it. “That’s okay. Maybe one day I’ll be real, maybe not. Maybe it doesn’t matter either way.”

Mei thought for a while. “This is another metaphor, isn’t it?”

The other goat continued to smile but said nothing. Together, they looked up at the moon in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

Eventually, Mei opened his eyes. He felt better rested than he had done most mornings recently.

It had rained that night. Outside, in the early morning light, Mei saw that the snow had started to recede. The snowgoat and the snowwolf were now a slushgoat and a slushwolf, and had tilted very slightly towards each other. There was a wet puddle at the entrance to their cave where the snow had once encroached.

Mei found that the grass was significantly easier to reach now, and although it still tasted of cold and wetness, he had no difficulty in eating a full day’s worth of food.

Some time later, after Gabu had woken up, Hilari visited them with a gift. “Goo-or-ing, Un-les,” she said around the small cluster of blueberries clasped in her beak. She put them down on a dry patch of ground inside the cave. “I thought you might like these.”

“Aww, that’s so sweet of you,” Gabu said.

Suddenly, Mei had an appetite again. “Thanks! Did you get these from Waku Waku Hill?” He tried one of the berries. It was just as sweet and blue-tasting as he remembered them being.

“Yep. The snow looks wonderful from up there. No thanks,” she said as Mei offered her some of the berries, “I already had some.”

“Is the path up there still covered in snow?” Gabu said, eating some of the berries for himself. Hilari nodded. “That’s a shame. I would’ve liked to see it. Thanks for bringing us these, though.”

“It might not be for much longer,” Mei said, indicating the slightly deformed snowanimals outside. “Does it still count as Midwinter if there’s no snow left?”

“Oh yes,” Hilari said, “twelve days, my parents said. I’m hoping the snow lasts a little bit longer, though. It’s a long wait until next Midwinter.”

“It might snow again a little later in the season, or perhaps early in the spring,” Gabu said.

“It can snow in the spring too?!” Hilari’s eyes widened in delight.

Mei chuckled. “Sometimes, whenever it’s cold enough. It’s not as common, though. I think we got no snow until quite late in the spring a couple of years back?” he asked Gabu for confirmation.

“I remember one year when it didn’t snow at all,” Gabu said. Hilari’s face became a mask of horror at that.

“I know what you mean,” Mei said to Hilari. “I’ll miss it too, I think. It was only yesterday that I started to enjoy it.”

“You’ve been missing out, huh?” Hilari said.

“Something like that.” Mei smiled sadly, and then he realised what he was doing and turned it into a proper smile. “Do you want to go for a walk—I mean, a fly?”

“A fly-walk,” Gabu said helpfully.

“Sure, that sounds nice.”

Hilari found it a little difficult to keep up with Gabu and Mei. Or, more accurately, it was difficult for her to avoid outpacing them without constantly stopping and starting, or flying in complex circles to stay abreast with them. In the end, Mei offered to let Hilari ride on his head, which she gladly accepted. Her body was light enough that he barely felt her there.

At around midafternoon, they decided to check on Janice. Hilari took to the air when Mei crossed the river, hopping from rock to rock, and then settled back down on his head again afterwards.

When they arrived at Janice’s birch tree, they found her perched on a branch outside the drey she had once shared with Frank. She was talking to Linda, whom Mei hadn’t seen much of since he stopped going to the philosophy group. Mei hadn’t known that Janice and Linda knew each other, although it wasn’t all that surprising, since they were both squirrels.

The two squirrels climbed nimbly down the tree when they spotted Gabu, Mei and Hilari. Janice greeted them warmly. She seemed to be in better spirits than Mei had last seen her, if only slightly.

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” Linda said to Hilari.

“I’m Hilari,” Hilari said, “Riri and Toto’s chick.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Hilari. I’m Linda. I run the philosophy group, although I hope you won’t hold that against me.”

Janice chuckled politely at that and, after a brief pause, Hilari laughed too. “Do people often hold that against you?” Hilari said.

“Occasionally.” She turned to Gabu and Mei. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

“We just wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing, Janice,” Mei said. “We didn’t realise you already had company.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Janice said. “I’m doing fine. Linda has just been telling me all about her mate of six years.”

Linda smiled. “She passed away last winter.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Gabu said. “Six years is a long time.”

“It didn’t feel like it at the time,” Linda said. “You two cherish the time you have, all right?”

Gabu and Mei promised that they would. The five of them talked some more, during which time Janice was mostly quiet. Mei got the impression that she appreciated the distraction all the same.

Towards the end of the conversation, Linda said to Gabu and Mei, “Can I have a word with the two of you alone?” She led them a short distance away from Janice and Hilari, who continued their discussion. “Have either of you seen Takkan lately?”

“We spoke to him a couple of days ago,” Mei said. “He wasn’t at Theatre Day, and I’m guessing he wasn’t at the philosophy group today either?”

“That’s right,” Linda said. “Did he say anything that seemed odd to you?”

“Well, he did say that Mei was perfect,” Gabu said. “That’s not something I would usually consider odd, but Mei thought it was a little unusual at the time.”

Mei blushed slightly. “He’s been feeling like he doesn’t have a purpose, now that he’s not running any of the groups and he doesn’t have a boyfriend anymore. What was it he said?” he asked Gabu.

“He wanted to be a part of something,” Gabu said, now looking slightly worried. “Does Greta know where he is?”

Linda shook her head. “Greta’s got her hooves full as it is without another fox to look after. I hope Takkan’s all right, wherever he is.”

“We’ll keep an eye out for him,” Mei said. “What was that about Greta and another fox?”

“Oh, someone found a young fox cub who was wandering alone in the forest. Greta hasn’t been able to find out who her parents are, and she won’t say a word to anyone. Now we think she might be an orphan, so Greta’s mostly looking for anyone to take care of her.”

“That’s so sad,” Gabu said. “Can’t one of the other foxes look after her?”

“Most of the other foxes already have cubs of their own, are planning to, or don’t want to have children. What we really need is a couple who wants to have children but can’t, and there aren’t many of those around.” Mei noticed the slight glint in Linda’s eye that he normally associated with Takkan.

Gabu and Mei didn’t dare look at each other, although Mei could feel that they both wanted to. They’d talked about adopting a child once before, many months ago, and had decided that it wasn’t a decision they were ready to make at the time. They hadn’t spoken about it since.

The moment passed. “Anyway,” Linda said, “if you see Takkan, tell him everyone’s worried about him. It’s been nice talking to you.”

They scarcely said another word to one another until they were back at Moonrise Hill. “Well,” Gabu said, “what do you think?”

“I think we’re about to play the ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking?’ game again. You know, the one where neither of us says what we’re really thinking in case the other of us is thinking the opposite.” Gabu laughed, and the tension eased slightly.

“But seriously,” Gabu said, “do we want to have kids? We’re not going to get a better chance than this. At the very least, we could look after the kid until they find her parents or another fox to look after her.”

“And if they don’t find anyone, do we keep looking after her?” Mei said neutrally.

“I suppose we’d have to, so we should make sure that’s something we’d be willing to do before we commit to anything.”

Mei could tell that Gabu was willing to—eager to, in fact. His wolf was never very good at hiding what he was thinking, at least not from him. “I wouldn’t mind it. In fact, I think it would be nice.”

“But?” Gabu prompted.

“But are we sure we’re not rushing into this? There are so many practical things to consider, like… um…” He couldn’t think of any.

“Oh, I’m sure there’ll be challenges,” Gabu said, “but nothing we can’t overcome. The important thing is whether raising a kid is something we want to do.” After a pause, Gabu said, “Is it?”

That was a good question. Mei closed his eyes and pictured the two of them, himself and Gabu, lying together at the top of the hill in the last year or two of their lives. And then he pictured a third person with them, an adult fox who was his and Gabu’s child, all three of them watching the moonrise together as a family.

He opened his eyes. Gabu was watching him earnestly. “Yes,” Mei said at last, once he was sure it was true. “Okay, let’s do it.”