Chapter 17

It was midday by the time Gabu and Mei arrived at the outskirts of the forest they had once called their home. For the last few miles, they had followed the river upstream, each step reminding them more and more of the last time they had followed that same river in the opposite direction, almost two years ago.

Above the treetops, Gabu could just see the peaks of Baku Baku Valley in the distance. The sight brought back memories of his old life there, and reminded him more than ever of how glad he was to have left that life behind. Boro was more or less the only wolf there he still considered a friend. Others, like Zack, Beach and Gururi, he had once thought of as friends, until their actions had proven otherwise. Despite that, he still had fond memories of spending time with them. Perhaps they were the wolves Grandma had mentioned in her message who wanted to see him again.

On the other paw, perhaps Ugui had said “wolf,” not “wolves,” and Grandma had been referring to Lala. If Lala was still interested in him like she had been before he left, he would have to disappoint her. He hoped he could do so without causing any unnecessary resentment that might interfere with Grandma’s negotiations, but it would be better if it didn’t come to that.

Mei noticed his hesitation. “How are you feeling?” they said.

“It’s strange being back here,” Gabu said. “Everything’s so familiar. The trees and river and hills are all the same as I remember them. It’s as if we never left, except…”

“Except we’ve changed.”

“Yeah,” Gabu said.

“The people here have changed too. Things are different now; it won’t be like it was before.”

Gabu nodded in agreement. “Even so, do you really think we’ll be welcome?”

“I’m not sure. Grandma said she’d make sure we’ll be safe, but I don’t know how the other goats and wolves will react to us being here.”

“I guess there’s only one way to find out,” Gabu said apprehensively.

“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Mei said. “I could go ahead and check with Grandma what to expect.”

“I want to stay with you,” Gabu said without hesitation. “Just in case any wolves try to hurt you, and also because this is important. We should do it together.”

“Agreed,” Mei said, and the warmth of his smile drove away the last of Gabu’s apprehension.

Neither Mei nor Gabu had ever spent much time in this part of the forest back when they were living here, and it took them a little while to figure out exactly where they were. Before long, Mei recognised a hill in the distance that was close to Sawa Sawa Mountain. “It’s this way,” they said, and the two of them headed towards the hill until they were in a more familiar part of the forest. From there, they had no difficulty navigating the rest of the way to Sawa Sawa Mountain.

They didn’t encounter any other goats or wolves along the way. Even though they made no effort to conceal the fact that they were together, as they had done when they had been keeping their friendship secret, none of the other forest dwellers gave them a second glance. In fact, Mei would hazard a guess that they attracted even less attention than they usually did in the Emerald Forest, where everyone knew them personally. Perhaps they weren’t the only goat and wolf this forest was accustomed to seeing together now. If so, that was a good sign for how things were progressing.

The closer they got to Sawa Sawa Mountain, the more Mei couldn’t wait to see Grandma, Tapu and Mii again. But at the same time, they felt a growing sense of dread about what the rest of the herd would think of the two of them arriving together. This would be the first time most of the herd would meet Gabu face to face. If something went wrong and they somehow made a bad impression, that would not only worsen Mei’s already tenuous relationship with the people he had grown up with, but it might also jeopardise the herd’s willingness to associate with wolves in general, something Grandma had no doubt been working very hard to improve.

As soon as they got close enough to Sawa Sawa Mountain to catch glimpses of the meadow from between the trees, Mei could tell that something out of the ordinary was happening. At the centre of the meadow was a large gathering of goats and wolves, all looking inwards at something Mei couldn’t see. Most of the wolves were clustered together on one side of the gathering, but there was no clear divide between where the group of wolves stopped and where the group of goats started. Where the two groups met, they blended into one another, goats standing amongst wolves and wolves standing amongst goats.

They stopped at the edge of the forest as they tried to make sense of what they were seeing. “I know Grandma said things have changed,” Gabu said, “but I didn’t think they would have changed this much.”

Slowly, Mei’s astonishment gave way to delight. “This is… this is incredible,” they said. “Grandma actually did it. She got them to be friends!”

“Yeah,” Gabu said. His voice didn’t match Mei’s enthusiasm. “But what are they all staring at?”

It was at that moment that Mei noticed a familiar face moving towards them across the meadow. It was Mii, and her somber face dampened the joy Mei had felt a moment before. Something was wrong.

Mii met them halfway between the edge of the forest and the gathering. They all stood for several seconds in silence, not even greeting one another. Mei could tell that Mii had something she needed to say to them, but couldn’t find the words to say it.

“It’s Grandma,” Mii said at last. “She’s been asking for you.”

They followed Mii into the centre of the gathering. Mei felt like he was treading through snow, his hooves walking numbly forward as his mind tried in vain to process the brief explanation Mii had given them. Goats he had known all his life and wolves he had never met moved aside to make room for them. They looked at him with sympathy. Somehow, that was worse than any reception he had been anticipating.

There, lying under the shade of a tree with her eyes closed, was Grandma. Her breathing was slow and uneven. If Mii hadn’t assured them she was awake, Mei would have thought she was sleeping. Tapu, who was among the goats standing closest to her, looked like he was trying hard not to cry. Near him stood Boro, also on the verge of tears, and an older white wolf who must have been Lala.

“Grandma,” Mii said softly, “Mei and Gabu are here.” She stepped back and gestured for Mei to come closer.

“Mei?” Grandma said, her voice faint and quavering. Her eyes remained closed.

“I-I’m here, Grandma,” Mei said.

A look of relief came over Grandma’s face. “Did I do it?” she said.

“Do what?” Mei said, their voice breaking slightly.

“You once told me…you dreamt that we and the wolves…could all get along with one another. Have I made that happen?”

Mei blinked back the tears in their eyes and looked around at the goats and wolves gathered around them. No one was trying to eat one another; no one was running away. An entire goat herd and wolf pack had put aside their differences, if only for one day. It was true that Mei had once dreamed of a scene almost like this, one late summer’s day when he and Gabu had shared their wistful fantasies, wishing that their family and friends could somehow get to know one another and be one big family. By the time Mei had told Grandma of that dream, they had long since given up hope that it could ever become a reality. Apparently, Grandma never had.

Lala caught Mei’s eye and nodded her head once.

“Y-yes, Grandma,” Mei said, smiling through their tears. “You did it. You got everyone to be friends.”

“Good,” Grandma sighed, her voice little more than a whisper. “Then I hope you can be…as proud of me…as I am of you.” With that, Grandma’s breathing stilled.

“I am,” Mei said, their voice breaking completely. “I always have been.”

As it turned out, that hadn’t been Grandma’s last breath. She breathed in again several seconds later, and out again several seconds after that. Her breaths continued, shaky and irregular, spaced much further apart than was normal, even for a goat who was sleeping. Mii told them that it could be another few minutes, or a few hours, and that Grandma was unlikely to regain consciousness.

Mei stayed with her, as did Tapu and Mii and everyone else whose life Grandma was a part of. Gabu stayed too for the first hour, after which he stepped away to give Mei and the others some space. Truth be told, he needed some space himself.

He found himself amongst the other wolves, who had dispersed somewhat but were still lingering in the meadow. Many of them watched him with open curiosity, and in some cases wariness. Most of them looked away when he returned their gaze.

Zack and Beach approached him tentatively. “Hey,” Zack said, his voice subdued, “it’s good to see you again. Sorry about…everything.”

Gabu looked at his former friend in surprise. He wasn’t sure what specifically Zack was apologising for. “About what?”

“About everything,” Zack said again. “But mostly for what happened after you left, and for being some pretty awful friends to you over the years.” He glanced towards Grandma. “And about this.”

“Sorry for trying to kill you,” Beach said.

Gabu wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he didn’t. Instead, he looked over to where Zack had glanced a moment before. Mei was still there, talking quietly to Grandma, who was still asleep. Boro was crying; Gabu knew he should talk to him at some point, but now wasn’t the time. Lala stood perfectly still, watching over Grandma like a sentinel.

“Did you know her?” Zack said.

Gabu looked back at him. “I only met her once, when she came to visit us last year. We’ve sent a lot of messages back and forth since then, though. She means the world to Mei, and to me too.”

“The goat—Mei—he means a lot to you, doesn’t he?” Zack said.

“Yeah, they do.”

“They,” Zack acknowledged with a nod.

“‘He’ is fine too. How have things been while I was away?”

“Lots happening,” Beach said.

“Yep,” Zack said, “lots and lots. You know that Bari and Giro didn’t make it, right? Lala’s in charge now.”

“Yeah, I know,” Gabu said.

Zack paused. “Boro’s all grown up now. Tomo and Kazu are together now, actually.”

“What about Hoko?” Gabu said.

“Oh, she, um, didn’t make it through last winter. I’m sorry.”

Gabu lowered his head. That was yet another death he was indirectly responsible for. If his actions hadn’t led to Giro’s death and disrupted the pack’s hierarchy, Hoko and countless other wolves wouldn’t have tried and failed to survive the winter on their own. Of course, he couldn’t blame himself for any of that, but that didn’t make it any less upsetting.

“Hey, are we good?” Zack said. “I know we’ve done and said some pretty awful things to you in the past, but… I dunno. I guess it’s selfish to ask you to forgive us.”

Gabu looked at them thoughtfully. It was true that even aside from being part of the group that had tried to kill them, Zack and Beach had often been less than kind to him in the past. Of all the wolves he’d grown up with, they were the closest thing he’d had to actual friends, and yet they were still a significant part of why Baku Baku Valley had never felt like a home to him. But things had changed since then. He had changed, and apparently so had they. And more importantly, they were making an effort.

“Yeah,” Gabu said, “we’re good.”

Mei stayed with Grandma, letting their mind wander. Until they had met Gabu, Grandma had been the single most important person in Mei’s life for as long as they could remember.

When Mei was a child, he had often thought of Grandma as overprotective. One of his earliest memories, which he remembered only because Tapu hadn’t stopped reminding him about it until years later, was of the time that he and Mii had spent the whole day exploring the forest alone together. When they returned home just as the sun was setting, completely unharmed, Grandma had burst into tears.

“I thought a wolf had eaten you!” Grandma had said. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

Mei had replied, completely unfazed, that the day would have been more interesting if a wolf had shown up. That was the last time Mei had been allowed to explore on their own for months. Now that Mei had a child of their own to look after, they could begin to understand some of what Grandma must have felt that day, even if the Emerald Forest held very few dangers for a fox like Kon-kon.

When Mei was a little older, he began to think of Grandma as a person in her own right, instead of just someone whose job it was to take care of him. He had enjoyed spending time with her and learning more about her, although there was much of her past that was still a mystery to him even now. She never stopped being his grandmother, but she also became his friend.

That friendship had soured a little when Mei had met Gabu, after which Mei regularly had to deceive Grandma in order to spend time with their new friend. More than once, Grandma had wanted to spend the day with them, but Mei had made up some excuse because they’d already promised to spend the day with Gabu. Thinking back on those times now, Mei wished they’d spent the day with Grandma instead.

After everyone found out about Gabu, when Grandma had tried to convince him that Gabu was dangerous, Mei had resented Grandma for a time. That was part of why they had hesitated so little before jumping into the river with Gabu, without ever saying goodbye. Mei hadn’t quite let go of that resentment until months later, when he reunited with Grandma and took the time to fully explain his decision to leave.

From that point onward, Grandma had been completely supportive of his and Gabu’s relationship, and had even crossed over the mountain so that she could be there for their wedding. The last time Mei had seen her healthy had been just a few weeks after that, when she left to return home to Sawa Sawa Mountain. That had been about a year ago.

Over the course of about an hour, like the thunderclaps of a receding storm, Grandma’s breaths became more infrequent and irregular. Twice, Mei was sure that her breathing had stopped entirely, only for her to draw in another shuddering breath twenty seconds later. After the third time, Mei waited. He kept on waiting even after Mii bowed her head and Tapu burst loudly into tears. The realisation came, gradually but inexorably, that this really was the end.

“Goodbye, Grandma,” Mei said hoarsely. “Thank you for everything.”

That was the last thing Mei was able to say for quite some time. Gabu hugged them tightly, and goats Mei had grown up with came up to them one by one and said things Mei didn’t hear.